"Crusade" Technical Review & Recap!
Written by Tigress35

Yay for the premiere! This is how my reviews go- they're technical reviews (mostly of the editing and mise en scene) with a healthy dose of sarcastic running commentary.

I'm not an expert though; so it should all be taken with a grain of salt. Now here we go.

Last year we ended with Lionel's head getting shaven, Martha watching burning grass, Chloe getting exploded, Clark curling up like a little nekkid fetus in a Superman shield shaped space crystal-thing, Lex not learning his lesson and still drinking poisoned alcohol, then falling through a glass table that shattered way too easily, and finally, lord knows what was up with Jonathan. He just fell down because of Jor-El. Or something.

We open with a title card that reads, "Three months later." A girl watches Chloe talk in a video file on the Torch office's computer, giving the cliche, "I guess if you're watching this, I'm already dead." But, she puts a new twist on things by begging for Clark to avenge her death. That's my girl, Chloe, keeping fighting even when you're not living!

So girl drives in her truck, looking for the Kent farm to track down Clark, as mentioned on Chloe's video. She's on her cell phone asking for directions and drinking coffee, totally confused and being a snarky city girl snapping about farms not having addresses. Her cell phone buzzes out with a cute, but so not original or true to life sound effect. This girl made the mistake of driving in a truck in Smallville, so a big lightning storm kicks into gear, forcing her to ruin a few meters of corn. But it puts her right in front of a Terminator-style entrance by Clark. Actually, the burning cornfield looks like Signs. Signs or Terminator. Pick one and stick.

Anyhow, an overhead shot shows fire zipping around the flattened, burning corn and forming an S. This officially marks Cheese Anvil Number One of the episode.

We cut to a closer shot of Clark totally naked and curled up in the fetal position (Because he was reborn! Fetus!). It's actually really adorable, like a little cabbage patch baby. Except with corn. They're making a comeback again, those cabbage patch babies. I wonder if CabbagePatch!Clark has a little tattoo on his butt now.

Clark opens his eyes quickly, accompanied by a music bang from Mark Snow. Cuz opening his eyes is supposed to be scary and all, I guess? They switch back to The Terminator and Clark slowly unfurls, standing up. The camera angle is very low and we get a pretty nice shot of his chest while he looks all tall and manly in the frame because of that angle. Remember this shot, has a slight bit of relevance later on.

Girl wants to take Clark to a hospital. Clark says, very robotically and Terminator-like, that he's fine. Girl doesn't agree, but Clark insists that he is, indeed, fine. Yes you are, Clark. Yes you are.

Clark spins around to emphasize his point. 'Look, at me, I'm naked! Look how gorgeous I am! Tell me that I'm not fine!' Unfortunately, some Convenient Corn blocks our view of Clark's behind. He even tilts his head, daring Girl to say anything.

Girl's eyes dart down to his crotch and back up. She concedes that Clark is a fine, fine man, and tries to verbally convince herself not to look at Package Mention Number One, but she fails. There's only so much one girl can overcome.

Clark, for no reason that I can think of, asks who Girl is. It's not like he cares, or even would remember her if he knew. Girl says very dramatically, like she's James Bond, "Lois. Lois Lane." Hello, Expository Dialogue. Missed you over the hiatus! Glad to have you back.

We cut to a guy digging a hole in a wall. The shot is fairly interesting, since it's from the POV of whatever is inside the wall, and zooms in closer to reveal the guy's crew when the guy steps back. He pulls out a little statue of Horus, the Egyptian god with the head of a falcon. Interestingly enough, some legends and tales of Horus kinda match up with the cave mythology. Just a little.

Anyhow, Egypt? As a sidenote, I love love LOVE ancient Egypt. I can kinda (very badly) translate hieroglyphics. But seriously, from Kansas to Egypt? My heart aches for what immense historical and mythological inaccuracies may occur.

The guys hold up Horus, and Lex comes running in looking mighty fine in an all-white suit with a dark belt. That's just so nice I might take that outfit over nakedness. The shot of Lex running in is very nice as well. There's an astounding amount of sunlight for what looks to be a sort of underground temple, but I'm willing to overlook it because the effect is beautiful. First, the color is great. It's all shades of golden, and even Lex's white suit isn't entirely white because of the color tone and light. The cave walls slope up to a flat ceiling, which creates lines of both shadow, light beams, and stone. These lines direct our attention to Lex running in through the middle, in addition to creating depth in the frame. Finally, in the foreground, there are brightly lit rocks, which add a final element of depth perception, and frame Lex even more.

Lex flips the statue over and it's got Kryptonian symbols on it. So, they saying that Kryptonians came down and influenced Egypt? I suppose that would fit in with Stargate SG-1 mythology. A little.

Lex has a gorgeous close-up, looking very pleased, with shadow on one side of his face, and a streak of light outlining his cheek on the other side. An extreme close-up on the symbols drives home that yes, these really are the Kryptonian symbols you were thinking they'd be.

Cut to establishing shot of Smallville Medical Center. They get off an elevator with... paintings inside? I've never seen paintings inside an elevator. Such is the way of the incredibly colorful and lavishly decorated Smallville hospital. Clark is wrapped in a red blanket (Cape! Symbolism!) and I declare it to be Cheese Anvil Number Two.

Clark and Lois still argue over whether he's fine or not. (C'mon, I thought we settled that one). What I really want to see, and what they didn't show is how Lois actually got Clark into the car in the first place, if he's so unwilling to be around her.

Lois goes up to the counter and insists that Clark get "immediate medical attention." Ya know, he might be a kinda crazy, but he is physically unhurt. Nice try, Lois. She also tries to leave him, but hospital guy won't have it. He says it's not an animal shelter. Clark is like a cute puppy, though.

Meanwhile, Clark looks into a painted mirror. It's a cool shot, mostly because of the paint on the mirror. He looks so pretty framed in it. Clark decides that he really can't examine a statue with his blanket on, so he drops it. Have I mentioned that I really love Smallville lately? This also is Major Butt Crack Number One of the episode.

An old lady suddenly appears in the reverse shot and gasps loudly, jaw agape. It's hilarious, and if you can't enjoy Smallville for campy nudity and funny Clark Nudity Admirers, what can you? She looks up and down, very pleased with what she sees. Lois tells the guy he should get Clark some clothes, but I don't think she really means it because she's staring at him the whole time. I love Lois already. Remember how Lana in 'Redux' didn't think Swimsuit!Clark was hot? She's ridiculous. This Lois girl ain't so blind.

Establishing shot of Pariscouver. It's Vancouver with the Eiffel Tower inserted in the background.

There's an incredibly lame scene that my friend rightly describes as the most un-kinky roleplaying game ever. The scene goes on forever and it's so boring. This guy has no chemistry with Lana, and their little game is supposed to be cute, but it's really very stupid because they have no chemistry. I thought I'd be able to tolerate Lana this year, because I was hoping she would have chemistry with this guy, but alas, no. However, the Expository Dialogue of their game informs us how they met and other bulls*** I don't care about. The only cool thing about this scene is the Lex poster/cover of Forbes magazine. Moving on.

Martha is reading Huck Finn to a comatose Jonathan. It strikes me as very funny, but I can't quite place why. The doctor wants to pull Jonathan off life support, but Martha is content to read to him for the rest of her life, so she won't let them. Obviously the farm is paying for itself and the cows have learned to feed themselves, and they have the money for such hospital bills.

Clark and Lois have a pretty adorable scene where Clark keeps trying to leave and Lois spazzes out and wants nicotine. I really love the line where Clark says, "You talk a lot." It's exactly what I had been thinking. Clark picks her up and sets her aside (Sorry to break it to you, Lois, but even if Clark didn't have superpowers, you still can't keep a highly muscled, 6'4 man from going through the door if he sets his mind to it), and makes his escape into the hallway. Why he didn't superspeed out of there so he couldn't get caught, I don't know.

Mama Kent sees him, catches him along with Lois. Lois accidentally slips that she saw him naked, but didn't give enough context, and the look on Martha's face is priceless. Mama Kent just wants to get Clark home, so she takes a disliking to Lois a bit. Have I mentioned that Clark looks really pretty with his wavy, backlit hair? It's true, it's true.

Back to Egypt. Lex is riding in a jeep, looking hot. In both ways. Front-Seat Man comments on this. I think Lex could lose an item of clothing or two. Might cool him down. Just sayin'. I like the golden color tone here, too. It screams, 'We're in a desert, get it?' but it makes Lex look really good, so I'm not complaining.

An aerial shot shows the jeep pulling into the 'airport'. A very fake CGI plane 'sits' on the sand. It looks fake because it's too crisp and clean compared to the rest of the shot, and it stands out.

Lex stumbles into the plane and Good Looking Doctor gets pissed at him. Lex thinks that the truth is more important than living, so he was willing to risk his life to find out. A cliche line, which also begs asking the age-old question, 'If you're dead, what does the truth matter?' In the midst of this, Lex starts stripping off his jacket and shirt. Dayum. You know how I said earlier he didn't need to be naked if he was wearing this suit? I take it back. Totally.

Lex's plane/medical bay is lit with lots of blue lights. It looks pretty, especially against Lex's tan skin and his white pants. Lots of little objects are lit in this set. Little lights everywhere. Only Lex has such cool sets like this. Doctor reminds Lex (aka informing the audience) that he needs his blood sucked out and filtered every 72 hours. What kind of poison was that? He's had to do this for three months? You'd think it'd be out of his system by now. Unless he had rapidly multiplying nanocites. That'd be cool. A line of sweat drips down Lex's chest, and it's So. Damn. Distracting. Also, if you pause at various intervals, Lex has some.... interesting facial expressions. I'll leave it at that.

Establishing shot of cows. Moo cows! Missed you, too. Feeding yourselves? Awesome.

Clark and Martha walk up the stairs to the barn loft. Clark has on a black, button down, crisp shirt, and it is great. I don't think Clark owns such a shirt, so I'm betting that he's wearing one of Lex's that got left behind one night. Memories of Lex-rendezvous in the loft don't come back to Clark, so he asks Martha where they are. Martha says that Jonathan calls it the 'Fortress of Solitude' (Cheese Anvil Number Three) and it's where he "comes to think and look at the stars." Sure, that's exactly what he's doing there. Right.

There's one close-up of Clark where the light curves around his jawline. It makes him look oh so pretty. Martha tries to convince Clark that he's home, but Clark refuses to give in and drops a picture of Jonathan. It shatters. It's oh so symbolic. Clark leaves and the camera pushes in dramatically on Martha, then cuts to Lex's jet plane zooming through the sky.

Lex is holding his Horus buddy, but I guess he's still sweaty so when the plane hits turbulence, the statue falls and shatters. But hey, no worries! Lex finds this marked crystal inside. It starts glowing and making a noise, and then we cut to Clark getting that familiar ringing in his ears.

It's like Lex has a dog whistle for Clark. It's so gay! Lex has a beacon that calls his boyfriend to his plane twenty thousand feet in the air! Awww.

Clark suddenly straightens, and the camera whips around and down as Clark stands up. It's again, another low shot, showing Clark looking up at the sky. The angle is nice because it's not only mirroring the aforementioned low shot, but allows us to see the sky and Clark looking up at the sky at the same time. It's a very comic and Superman angle.

Clark says he has to fufill his destiny, and Mama Kent loses her shit and starts pounding on his chest. Clark doesn't feel a thing, but I wonder how hard Annette O'Toole hit Tom Welling and how many takes they had to do. Poor guy.

Then Clark pushes Martha away, and takes off, the camera doing a 360 around him. During this, we see the ground bending and the air rippling, and so apparently Clark has some sonic-type powers going on. I prefer how he took off in the previews, where he took off not only in slow motion, but it didn't have the air ripple effects, which I think make what could have been a really classy thing into Bad Effects Cheese.

Clark zooms through the clouds really fast, and that does look cool, and I like that he doesn't have his arms out in front of him and how the air blowing back his hair reveals his forehead. One of the shots is particularly cool-- Clark flies toward the camera quickly until he's hovering at a slightly upward angle in front of him, then flies past quickly as the camera turns around to follow him.

Although the black shirt is a costuming choice that reflects the 'bad side' of Clark/Kal-El (whoever he's supposed to be), it also works really well for these shots because it matches his dark hair and makes him stand out against the white and blue clouds/sky. There's one point in the shot where Clark is right in the middle horizontal line that divides the sky from the clouds. It's very nice composition. Additionally, the lighting is crisp, and so we have about four basic colors in this shot-- shades of white, blue, black, and flesh tone. I really like the simplicity of it, and I think if Clark had been wearing red and/or blue, it would have clashed with the rest of the colors in the shot and have made it less classy.

I have to admit, I was really scared about the flying thing, and although the takeoff wasn't what I would have liked to see, his actual first flight is pretty nice looking, so I'm quite pleased with it overall.

Jason surprises Lana in a church. He wants to do her there, but Lana has an art project and refuses, telling him he has a dirty mind. I think Kristen Kreuk was trying to be cute there, but it so didn't work out that way. I'm displeased with how she delivered that line. I also really dislike this scene, so I'm just going to give a great What Ever to the art rubbing and the revelation that this is somehow Lana, tied into some ancient mystery or something with light beam craziness. I assume this has something to do with one of the puzzle pieces that Clark starts on in the caves. I have to admit, I did like some of the shots, especially when the camera was in a medium shot and then pulled back and tracked along as Jason and Lana walked over to the art to become a wide shot. The other shot I liked was the overhead of Jason and Lana looking down at the art.

There's a shot of Clark flying before cutting to Martha on the phone. He was used as a transition, and to remind us, 'Yep! He's still flying! Over to Egypt!'

Martha's a little desperate in this scene, and the camera acts accordingly. It spins around her as she herself turns around, and stops to make a reveal of Lois Lane in the doorway. Reveals are used a lot on Smallville, and they're an affective way to introduce a character coming into a scene without actually having to make a cut to show them coming in. It also adds a bit of a surprise element, so the show usually uses this technique when a character isn't quite expecting someone to turn up (and neither is the audience).

Lois is all over the house, and gets some coffee. She calls the Talon the Falcon and that makes me laugh. Martha isn't very pleased that Lois is intruding, and now they're in a two shot. It appears that it was shot this way so that we could see both Lois and Martha's face in the frame and their expressions at the same time, but at one point, Lois is just staring off beyond the camera. It looks as if she's looking at something, but we're not really sure and it looks extremely fake and contrived. I do think at that point, given the kinda bad acting on Erica Durance's part there, it would have been better to have a close-up on Martha talking, because Lois' expression gave us no new information at all (she wasn't reacting to Martha's words) and it distracted the hell out of me. If you want to make the argument that Lois was just not paying attention, I can see that, but I might have wanted to see a more exasperated and 'I'm not listening!' face from ED.

Lois and Martha talk about falling for farmboys, but Lois insists she would take a nerd with glasses anytime over a farmboy. (Cheese Anvil Number Four) Martha adds that Clark has 'many sides' and it's quite possible that this could be Cheese Anvil Number Five.

We learn that Lois thinks Clark is the only one who knows what happened to Chloe. (Hello, he wasn't even there). She asks how many safe houses have gas leaks. I don't know, same as normal houses? Are safe houses supposed to be extra protected against gas leaks?

They discuss Lionel, and Martha admits that she's been scathed. She's now giving out too much info, so she grabs back Lois' coffee cup. Hospitality and caffeine denied!!

Cut back to the plane. The pilots see a spot on the radar approaching, and are all like, "Is it a bird? A plane? Oh my, it's so very much Cheese Anvil Number Six. And a big anvil it is.

Clark flies up to the plane and grabs onto it. CGI planes are always too shiny. Real planes never shine like that. Clark bursts into the plane as everyone else tries to hang on to avoid being sucked out (see Lost, for example). Clark reaches out for the crystal and Lex gets upset his toy has been taken from him. He gets up and tries to see who it is, but Clark is already gone.

I'm sorry, I don't like the Kidder scene. There are too many unanswered questions, and many times Smallville answers them later, but right now it's too random to make much sense. But there's Cheese Anvil Number Seven mixed in there about her and Dr. Swann's past in another lifetime. Martha gets black kryptonite to go beat Clark. Seriously, where the heck did the Black K come from. I hope that it's later revealed that Dr. Swann or one of his associates has been to Smallville, because I'm thinking that's probably the only place any sort of Kryptonite could be found. Unless the ancient Kryptonians left some behind in Egypt.

Also, dear WB network. I know this is the Smallville premiere (right now, as you inform me with your absurdly huge, colorful, animated and distracting graphic overlay). I don't want to see this over my TV show. It's bad enough I have to look at your little logo, too.

Establishing shot of the "U.S. Penitentiary" Wow, can that get anymore vague? Come up with a specific name or something please.

Lionel's time in prison has done him good, cuz not only is he wearing his prison garb all gangsta style and cool, but he's doing pushups and looking pretty fit. (Physically strong, although it could be taken the British slang way too. Not that I just admitted that or anything.)

I really really love this prison set, and I've already described why in great detail in my Covenant review. In summary, the shadows, lighting, composition, and color is all fantastic and unconventional compared to the typical prison set.

In this scene, to quickly sum up the fantastic Luthor banter, Lex wants to know if Lionel poisoned him and if Lionel knew about this three ancient hidden relic legend thing, and if it held the secret to Lionel getting healed. He also insinuates that daddy killed Chloe. The Magnificent Bastard, of course, denies all.

Then, Clark puts in the first piece of the relic legend puzzle. Two to go! Lana wakes up naked. Her room is very warm and golden, and the music has ticking and is supposed to be suspenseful to go along with the pounding on the door.

Except, it's so obviously Jason that I'm so bored by the minute wasted that Lana took to get to the door. Back in the caves, Mama Kent sics the Black K on Clark, which causes him to lose his shirt (but not his pants) and also splits him into Clark and Kal-El, and they fight with each other. It's pretty funny and funny looking. Some might say that the shirtlessness was gratuitous, but I can say in all honesty that it was necessary. We needed to see that Kal-El had the burned symbol on his chest, because that's the only way we could differentiate between them.

As soon as Kal-El is destroyed (or whatever happened), Jonathan gasps and sits up.

Then, we have a scene with Butt Crack Number Two. This time it's Martha, with flesh colored pants and a wedgie. I really hope they are pants. I love one shot in this scene where Clark is framed between his parents. And he's in white!

The whole scene is Cheesy End of Episode Closure Dialogue, but hey.. Kents reunited. Jonathan asks about Clark flying (why don't you guys discuss that at home, and not in a public place, oh great sekrit keepers). Jonathan keeps asking him questions about how it felt and it sounds like a bizarre and disgusting reverse sex talk. It's weird.

Then Lana takes a shower, notices tattoo. Yawn.

Lionel preens himself in a mirror. He's all, 'Who's your daddy?' There's another shot that's a reveal-- as The MB looks in the mirror, the camera pulls back and pans to the side enough so that Lois appears in the mirror. It's a great shot and another unexpected Lois entrance.

I think Lionel's smoothing his hair because he thinks Martha Kent is coming, and he wants to impress the lady. Unfortunately, it's only Lois, but Lionel strikes poses anyway and whispers to her about being a bad girl for biting her nails. Lionel thinks he's got the edge on Lois, but at the last minute, Lois lets some details drop that makes Lionel appear a little insecure after all. Very intriguing. John Glover and Erica Durance play off each other extremely well, and this is a really well-acted, great scene. Sometimes I think Glover's performances are a little over the top, but in this episode I think he had just the right balance and he's fantastically creepy.

Cut to Chloe's gravestone. Lois is sitting in front of it, confessing and vowing to avenge Chloe. What happened to Gabe? Why does nobody care about him? The camera moves back and forth as Lois talks, until one final pass reveals that Clark is now behind her. Again, surprise! Lois doesn't like the surprise, and gets pissy.

This is my favorite scene of the whole episode. I think the two characters have a lot of subtle animosity for each other, and the two actors have great chemistry with each other. They banter, and Welling's eyes sparkle like the only do when you can tell he's having fun.

Lois is glad that Clark is wearing clothes now, and Clark barely bats an eyelash at the subject of his nakedness. Apparently he doesn't much care. Clark talks to her like he got some balls after his Kryptonian rebirth. I don't remember Clark ever being so snarky with a girl before, and I'm so proud of him. His hair has also remained like Kal-El's, even though he's back to wearing his red and blue. Despite the fact that they don't seem to get along, Clark invites Lois to stay with them (Did he ask his mom first? Martha doesn't seem to like Lois much!) Lois warns she doesn't make her bed. Yeah... she's so telling him they're going to roll around in bed all day.

She leaves, and Clark x-rays the ground and discovers the coffin is empty. He calls out that Chloe is still alive and the music is all, "Ooohhhhh."

Overall, I think the upcoming mythology is ridiculous, and Jason and Lana paaaiiiinnnn me, but there's enough cheese, Almost!Nudity, and chemistry between Clark and Lois that I really enjoyed the episode. There was so much going on, it seems like it was hard to fit in all the content they had to do, but I do hope questions will be answered sooner rather than later.

I also really want to see upcoming episodes now. I was actually quite content over the hiatus, but now that I've seen some of the stuff that's to come, I want to see it NOW! It's like Lays Potato Chips, can't eat just one, can't be content to just watch one hour and be denied until a whole week later! In the preview though? I don't understand why Clark is all about his modesty in the bathroom after he barely acknowledged Lois telling him she saw him naked. She's already seen you naked, Clark. Too late to be shy now!

Note: The views of Tigress35 don't necessarily represent the thoughts and feelings of everyone at KryptonSite.

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