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Don't Freak Out: Why FotW Episodes Aren't Really Bad For Smallville
by Hope and Wendi - December 12, 2003

Season 2 DVD: What I'd Like To See
by Craig Byrne - November 26, 2003

All is Mystery: Shattered
by Hope - November 20, 2003

Weak Bond: Magnetic
by Hope - November 13, 2003

Bid Time Return: Relic
by Hope - November 7, 2003

Tabloid Mythology: Perry
by Hope - October 30, 2003

A Little Drowsy: Slumber
by Hope - October 23, 2003

Survival of the Fittest: Extinction
by Hope - October 17, 2003

Welcome Home
by Hope - October 9, 2003

Review: Smallville: The Complete First Season DVD
by Craig Byrne - September 28, 2003
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The Twelve Days of Christmas, Smallville-Style
Written by Maveness

You've heard there are twelve days of Christmas, right? And on each of those twelve days, this chick's true love gave her crap. There were geese and other assorted birds, plus some dancers and drummers. Of course, there were golden rings, but seeing as they don't come with hobbits, why should people care?

So, in honor of the season, I decided to change the song and make it more relevant to what the Smallville fans want. Or more precisely, the wants of this Smallville fan. Because it's all about me. (No, I don't have a God complex. Why do you ask?)

Now, let us begin.

Day One

On the first day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...Jonathan Kent having fun!

Okay, this is on day one for a reason, because this is the one I really, really, really want (a lot). Jonathan never gets to have any fun. He's constantly being Dad, ruling the roost, taking care of his family, being responsible. Well, even responsible people are allowed to crack a smile now and then. Enough with the dour circumstances. Let's have this man cracking a joke, enjoying life, frolicking with the missus (considering both Annette O'Toole and John Schneider are highly attractive people, you'd think there'd be much more "frolicking" going on in that house than we've seen - miracle babies aside). If you caught the CBS anniversary special, you know that John Schneider can seriously liven up the party. So let Jonathan cut loose before the stress kills him. And no meteorite influences either!

Day Two

On the second day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...Martha Kent, kick butt mama.

Remember when Martha didn't just tag-team parent? Remember when she worked for Lionel Luthor? Remember when her lines consisted of more than "Clark!" or "Jonathan!"? I do, and I really would like to see that again. Martha Kent is the mother of Superman. This is not a wussy woman (after all, she handled Super Tantrums and Super Dirty Diapers - if anyone's made of steel, it's her). So how about giving Martha more quality screen time. I really do miss her. (Plus, redheads are underrepresented on network television. We must fight for redheaded rights. Viva! la redheads!)

Day Three

On the third day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...a dorked up Clark Kent.

Mmmmmm. Dork.

I'm talking glasses. Besides the fact that I find glasses extremely sexy, there's the fact that eventually Clark Kent will have to wear the things. Can't fool the world about the dual identity down the road if 45,001 people know Superman's true identity. Also, work the clumsiness angle that Christopher Reeve made famous in the Superman movies. This guy has phenomenal cosmic powers that he's trying to harness in order to exist on a normal level. He's supposed to be more comfortable when he can use his powers. Let's see him struggle to not use them.

Plus I'm a sucker for geeks and this show is sorely lacking in the geek department.

Day Four

On the fourth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...Lionel Luthor in a handbag.

The man is perfect. Perfect evil, that is. Don't mess with perfection. John Glover is an absolute gem. He plays a truly magnificent...meanie. Feel free to sign him to a lifelong contract, just in case you should feel the need to carry on the Smallville story for 20, 30, even 40 more years.

Day Five

On the fifth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...Pete Ross applenty.

And we're talking quality here folks. No crappy storylines, no product plugs. Just utilization of a character in a manner appropriate to the show. This guy is a politician. He has people skills all the others lack (even Lana). He has the inside scoop, he has an optimistic outlook on life, he has a real connection with almost every other character on the show, and he's got a body that's possibly better than Tom Welling's. (Hey, I'm 26 years old. I'm not too old to lust after Sam Jones III. I'm not.)

Day Six

On the sixth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...lots and lots of Chloe Sullivan, reporter.

Investigative Chloe, the nectar of the gods. Really, she's my favorite part of the show (aside from my Jones for Jones), and Allison Mack shines when Chloe starts digging for a story. Plus there are benefits to more investigative Chloe - more investigative Clark. We want to see the development of Clark Kent as a journalist, so having Chloe pull him further into the world, well, that makes me all kinds of happy.

Day Seven

On the seventh day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...less pink on the tree.

Yes, the color pink. Pink, mauve, fuchsia, blush, any shade up to and including bashful. Pink, pink, pink...be gone! From Lana that is. Pink is the butt of jokes and not very flattering on Kristin Kreuk. The makeup, the clothes...yes, the pink is innocent and very fairy princess, but it's also the color of Pepto Bismol. So ditch the bubblegum pink and find a new signature color to brighten her wardrobe.

Day Eight

On the eighth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...EviLex! *insert evil laughter here*

I like this portrayal of Lex, I do, but at this point the only way I can see Lex ever taking his father down is with a nuclear warhead and written permission from Lionel himself. Let's start seeing the cunning and genius that will make Lionel look like a little puppy compared to his son. If Luthor blood runs true, and we all know it does, then Lex is a mighty force to be reckoned with. Let's see the coming of the reckoning, or at least hints of his true nature. Two magnificents are always better than one.

Day Nine

On the ninth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...a look inside Chloe's network of informants.

You piqued our interest with Chad the Goth and Heinrich. Now it's time to ante up and give us a glimpse at Smallville's weird element (and we're not talking those suffering from Kryptonite poisoning). If there's one goth, there's probably more. So let's see the seamy underbelly of Smallville's whistleblowers in all their vanilla glory.

Day Ten

On the tenth day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...a ban on Lex ever having another girlfriend.

Seriously. No more girlfriends. They suck (usually my brain cells out of my head, but some in more ways than that). No featured girlfriend has lived up to being worthy of dating a Luthor and being equal. There have been no Lillians, no Loises, not even anyone close to being a Martha or a Chloe in Lex's life. Let's just give up that battle right now. He can have an odd tumble in the hay (for the benefit of many of my friends who would definitely enjoy semi-clothed Rosenbaum), but don't have any woman trying to hold a position of significance in his life.

Day Eleven

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...the (brief) return of one Perry White.

I want to see Perry again, although sober and being a tough as nails journalist again. Michael McKean was fun and entertaining, the story of Perry had intrigue and potential, and seeing Perry back in journalistic shape would be a great boost to Clark's career.

Day Twelve

On the twelfth (finally!) day of Christmas, Millar and Gough should give to me...Jor-El and Lara in holographic form with a message for their son.

Jor-El has spoken so far, and we've seen him as a young man getting his groove on with the Earth girls (proving they really are easy), but what we really need to see are the parents that loved their child so much that they shipped him UPS (Universe Parcel Service) to Earth. Let's show that good old dad isn't quite the mean son-of-a-gun he seems to be. Show the softer side by bringing in Lara. We all know about the tough love of the fathers on the show, now it's time to show the mothers' (Lara and Martha) influence, and how that gentleness and unconditional love will shape the future of their child.

(And if you're curious as who to cast in the roles, since age-wise we're looking at Jor-El being somewhere in the vicinity of mid-40s, I suggest Tom Wopat as the "other" father. And don't listen to the collective groan coming from Smallville fans everywhere. It's brilliant because I say it is.)

Note: The views of Maveness don't necessarily represent the thoughts and feelings of everyone at KryptonSite. Happy Holidays to everyone! Thanks to Sully and KMonkey for editing this.

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